Chapter 31: Deadpool's Interruption · The Art of Chaotic Meddling
At the critical moment when Black Bolt's chest swelled, his ultimate wave of annihilation capable of shaking continents and silencing all things was poised to erupt, and Sun Wukong's golden eyes blazed, gripping his staff ready to counter with supreme supernatural power—An exaggerated, utterly ill-timed shriek, dripping with theatrical drama, tore through the heavy, law-laden hum above the battlefield like a thunderclap on a clear day!Following this, a red-and-black-clad figure, radiating an aura of pure, unadulterated贱 (jiàn - cheap/annoying) energy, executed a bizarre, physics-defying maneuver involving a 720-degree spinning backflip combined with a Thomas flare, landing with pinpoint accuracy… right into the perilous, energy-charged vacuum less than ten meters between Black Bolt and Sun Wukong!It was Deadpool! Wade Wilson!He even struck a pose, one hand on his hip, the other forming a "V" sign, addressing the two cosmic-level entities about to unleash their final clash in a dramatic, sing-song voice:"Time out! Time out! You two universe-level big shots! Hear me out! Hear me out!"The intensely concentrated annihilative energy gathered by Black Bolt was violently disrupted by this sudden, energy-less, purely physical (?) intruder! His focus shattered, the world-ending power caught in his throat, choking him! The狂暴 (kuángbào -狂暴) waves of annihilation around him fluctuated and flickered violently like a rooster having its neck wrung!Sun Wukong was also thrown off balance, his impending staff strike nearly missing its mark. His Fiery Eyes stared in astonishment at this suddenly appearing, spandex-clad weirdo, sensing his pitifully weak yet incredibly… noisy life force."What manner of demon are you?!" Sun Wukong roared instinctively.Deadpool completely ignored the terrifying environment around him, capable of instantly shredding any mortal into fundamental particles. He patted his chest (though it was already torn up by energy residue) and blew a kiss at Sun Wukong."Hey! Monkey-hottie! I'm your fan! Super fan! I've watched 'Journey to the West' like, eight hundred times! Can I get an autograph? Right here on my sexy ass!"He then spun dramatically towards a livid (though you couldn't see it) Black Bolt, who was struggling to stabilize his rampaging internal energy."And you! Mute-dude! Cool! So cool! The look! The vibe! Is Thanos your cousin? That ultimate move has way too much wind-up! Need some tips on quick-casting? For you, fellow anti-hero, I'll give a 20% discount!"He chattered nonstop, even pulling a bag of popcorn from his fourth-dimensional pocket, shoving a handful into his mask (though most of it spilled out), and mumbled through a mouthful, "Whoa! The SFX! The spectacle! Way more intense than the 'Endgame' finale! Just needs a better soundtrack! How about Justin Bieber's 'Baby'? Fitting!"Everyone watching via remote feed: "..."The world seemed to have been muted, leaving only Deadpool's grating, completely off-key whistling (he actually started whistling 'Baby'!).The tension of the impending, world-deciding clash was utterly shattered, scattered to the winds by his meddling, shit-stirring antics!The annihilative energy around Black Bolt finally went completely out of control, erupting chaotically due to extreme astonishment and rage (and perhaps a bit of choking discomfort)! But it was no longer a focused attack, just a disordered, aimless discharge of energy that sent him staggering backward!Sun Wukong, faced with this sudden turn of events, was caught between laughter and annoyance. His fully charged staff had nowhere to strike, leaving him feeling rather憋得难受 (biē dé nánshòu -憋得难受). He watched this guy dancing in the energy storm, getting shredded and instantly healing, still yapping incessantly, and scratched his head."What is this thing now? An immortal fly spirit?"Hearing this, Deadpool immediately did a kip-up (though his back seemed to crack) and saluted Sun Wukong with a sloppy gesture. "Report, Your Majesty! I'm not a fly spirit! I'm your long-lost brother—the 'Chatty Immortal Monkey'! Codename: Deadpool! Specialties: courting death and resurrecting! Awaiting your orders!"Black Bolt finally managed to suppress his rampaging energy. He looked at Deadpool with an expression of utter disgust and冰冷 (bīnglěng -冰冷) contempt, as if sharing a battlefield with such a creature was a profound insult. He completely lost interest in continuing the fight.Quantum fluctuations shimmered around him once more. Black Bolt cast one last cold glance at Sun Wukong, his form rapidly fading like ink dissolving in water, vanishing without a sound. He chose to leave this idiot-polluted battlefield.Deadpool saw this and spread his hands. "See? Told you the wind-up was too long! Easy to interrupt! Poor mental fortitude, buddy!"Sun Wukong looked at the spot where Black Bolt disappeared, then at the hopping, constantly healing weirdo in front of him, feeling a headache coming on. He put away his golden-hooped staff and waved a dismissive hand."Go on, get out of here! Scram back to wherever you came from! This old Sun has no time for your clowning!"But Deadpool was just getting started. He leaned in closer. "Aw, come on, Monkey-bro! Chat for a bit? Ten bucks' worth? Look, I came all this way, can you reimbursemy travel expenses? Or maybe we can partner up for a big score? I know this purple potato-looking guy whose home planet's loaded..."Sun Wukong couldn't be bothered anymore. He found this thing more annoying than a fly—impossible to kill (he could sense the bizarre resurrection ability) and impossible to shoo away. He somersaulted on a cloud into the air, wanting to get away from the noise source.Unexpectedly, Deadpool pulled a bazooka out from behind his back (??), fired it at his own feet, and used the explosion's thrust to wobble into the air after him, shouting:"Monkey-bro! Don't go! We can negotiate the price! 70-30 split! You take 70! ... How about 80-20? 90-10 is fine too! Just take me with you?!"A battle that should have been an earth-shattering, world-fate-deciding clash at the level of cosmic laws was thus forcibly interrupted… in the most absurd, nonsensical way possible, by a completely random meddler.It left only a group of dumbfounded, worldview-shattered heroes on the ground, and countless bewildered faces on screens across the globe.Nick Fury covered his single remaining eye, feeling his blood pressure spike.